'We currently live in a relatively low-cost, lower-tax Northwest state'

"I already struggle with finding the right balance between being a spender and saver." (Photo subjects are models.)

Dear Quentin,

My wife and I are in our early 70s. We currently live in a relatively low-cost, lower-tax Northwest state. Both of our children live in Southern California, where I estimate our cost of living would be roughly 20% higher.

As we gradually move from our "slow-go" years toward our "no-go" years, we will likely want to move closer to our daughter. She has told us that she'll be there to help us as we get older, which makes being nearby particularly appealing.

We currently have a mortgage, and our home is approximately 60%-70% equity. I expect that percentage to increase somewhat before we eventually move. We should have a substantial down payment when we sell and purchase in California.

Even so, I'm fairly certain our new mortgage payment would be higher than what we have today. And, of course, the mortgage is only one (albeit large) piece of the picture - property taxes, utilities, insurance and other expenses would likely be higher as well.

The obvious advice is, "Save up for it." But that runs up against another piece of advice I hear frequently, and which I think is equally important: Make sure you enjoy life while you still can. I already struggle with finding the right balance between being a spender and saver.

So how would you suggest we approach this? What steps could we take now to develop a realistic plan for the move, understand how much additional income or savings we might need, and make sure we're financially prepared without sacrificing the years we have now?

Father & Husband

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You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

To make your question truly answerable from a budgetary perspective, you would need to put some numbers on paper for your CFP/adviser.

Dear Father,

Happily, there's always another adventure right around the corner, whatever age you are. To quote a line from the 1995 movie, "Clueless," however, always take a lap before committing to a location. In other words, spend some time there before you sell your house and upend your life. You may love California and feel comfortable there, or you may not.

You face three separate challenges: (1) preparing financially for the move; (2) spending those savings when you move; and (3) living in a more expensive state for the remainder of your retirement years. It's not impossible, but nor will it be a walk in the park. The payoff is real, however. You get to spend quality time with your kids and grandchildren.

To make your question truly answerable from a budgetary perspective, you would need to put some numbers on paper for your CFP/adviser. First, calculate your total income, including Social Security, pension income and eventual required minimum distributions (RMDs), current annual spending, and home equity and monthly payments.

What level of spending today leaves a high enough probability that you can make the California move later, without compromising your retirement? Figure out what kind of home you will be able to afford, and how the property tax, insurance/HOA fees, and state and local tax will impact you post move. In other words, stress-test this new adventure.

If you're paying, say, $70,000 a year in income and property tax and other major expenses today, how much extra will you be paying when you move? How much will you have saved for retirement? What about an emergency fund? Will you have to dip into your IRAs/401(k)s? If so, what would that do to the long-term growth of your retirement portfolio?

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Pick a neighborhood

Pay attention to sequence-of-returns risk: if a market downturn coincides with a large withdrawal from your IRAs/401(k)s, you could lock in losses and leave fewer assets available to take advantage of a subsequent recovery. Conversely, putting a lot of cash into a house could leave you with less funds available for healthcare, assisted living and travel.

Suppose moving to California in five years would require $300,000 of cash/equity, plus an additional $15,000 a year in spending. Instead of simply saying "we need $300,000," figure out how much can come from the sale of your home, how much from savings, and whether the additional $15,000 annual spending leaves your retirement plan in good shape.

Set up a "California retirement plan." Pick a home in your desired neighborhood, and factor in the payments. Add property taxes, insurance, HOA fees, transportation, healthcare, etc., and see how your income measures up. House prices will probably rise, and so might the value of your existing house. Then again, the two markets may behave very differently. Your new mortgage rate will play a significant role, too.

The longer the time horizon, the more opportunity you have to build equity in your home, save, and allow your retirement portfolio to grow, but the more uncertainty you will have surrounding housing prices, taxes and interest rates. You need to balance your enjoyment of the present with building a future in California, without succumbing to 24/7 pressure. Will it be worth it?

Your CFP will, ultimately, end up with two figures: the amount you will need to move (including your down payment, moving costs and an appropriate cash reserve) and the amount you will need to fund your desired lifestyle. You may decide it's doable or you might, in a couple of years, decide to rent in California for part of the year and enjoy the best of both worlds.

Owning a home in Southern California may not actually be the best way to be near your kids. Renting could give you more flexibility, reduce the amount of your retirement portfolio tied up in a house, and let you test whether you really want to make the move permanent. You might even find that spending several months a year in California is the perfect compromise.

After all, the sands of our emotional and financial landscapes keep shifting, not always in sync.

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By emailing your questions to The Moneyist or posting your dilemmas on The Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'We are committed Christians': Our son and daughter-in-law cut us off over politics. Should we change our $3 million will?

'It's the ultimate regifting': My mom gave me a house. Should I transfer it back to her to reduce capital gains?

'I want to do what is right': My father died without a will. His wife moved out of state - and left me paying the mortgage.

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-Quentin Fottrell